SUMMARY
Self-help has become a billion-dollar industry. These days influencers, life coaches and motivational speakers are dime a dozen. But, this book is one of the few which genuinely takes you by surprise. Witty, philosophical and outrageously frank, the book focuses more on the “why” rather than the “how”.
Starting out with his widely popular blog, Mark Manson has been a man on a mission trying to correct our self-inflicted delusional expectations for ourselves and the world. His star blog has more than 2 million readers worldwide. With “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***”, he tries to bring his tireless hard-fought wisdom to the masses in a book littered with palpable anecdotes and transparent words to lead a more meaningful, content and overall “happy” life. This book hits the buck as one of the best self-help books out there.
Key insights
The value of suffering
In very simple terms, Manson goes on how to explain how many of us fall into the pitfalls of constant suffering and pain. He deciphers the struggles of everyday life, the unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves and drills home the value of suffering.
To drive his point home, Manson draws analogies from two musicians Dave Mustaine and Pete Best.
Dave and Pete were both talented musicians who were unceremoniously kicked out of their bands. Bands which went onto become house-hold names around the world.
Dave became the founder of the legendary heavy-metal band Megadeath which would go on sell 25 million albums worldwide. Unfortunately, the band he was kicked out of was Metallica, which has sold over 180 million albums worldwide and considered by many as one of the greatest rock bands of all time. In an open interview in 2003, Dave admitted he still considered himself a failure despite all that he had accomplished. Dave, whether he realized it or not, chose to measure himself by whether he was more successful and popular than his former band. This choice to hold onto Metallica’s success continued to hurt him decades later.
Pete Best had a similar but contrasting story. The band he was kicked out from was the Beatles. Within 6 months of Best’s firing, Beatlemania had erupted around the world, making John, Paul, George and Ringo the four most famous faces on the planet.
Best never goes onto become a global superstar or make millions of dollars. But in an interview in 1994, he quotes “I’m happier than I would have been with the Beatles”.
He goes onto explain the circumstances of his firing led him to meeting his wife and having children. Fame and glory would have been nice, but he decided that what he already had was more important – a big and loving family, a stable marriage and a simple life, traits which the Beatles struggle to emulate throughout their lives. He even played drums and recorded albums well into the 2000s.
In this short analogy, Manson enlightens us about the unrealistic expectations and metrics we choose for ourselves and how it leads us onto a path of lifelong suffering.
Where does real happiness come from?
Paraphrasing from the book, “Society has taught many people to repress their emotions for various cultural, political or social reasons and mostly negative emotions. But by doing so, people ignore the very feedback mechanisms in place that help solve one’s problems”.
Chasing happiness all the time and not paying attention to the other spectrum of human emotions, not putting in the time and effort to know why one is feeling sad, angry, lonely, jealous etc., leads many people to struggle in dealing with their problems throughout their lives.
Manson explores how we as human beings like the idea that we can alleviate all our suffering permanently. How we like the idea that we can feel satisfied and fulfilled with our lives forever.
However, Real happiness comes from solving problems. From overcoming adversity in the face of it all, not running away from it. We humans, love a challenge and love overcoming it. Stop running away because pain is inevitable. One can never get away from problems and can only trade today’s problems for better problems tomorrow.
You are not special
Masons goes onto enlighten us about how emotional health is just as important as physical health. The only way to keep it healthy is eat those metaphorical veggies. Accepting those mundane and bland truths of life. The ones we always shirk away from.
The truth is, most of life will be boring and not noteworthy and that’s a hard pill to swallow at first. But once you swallow it, that constant pressure of accomplishing something great and to be something amazing will be lifted off your back.
The constant need to always prove yourself will dissipate and so will the stress that goes along with it. The acceptance of your own mundane existence will free you to accomplish what you truly wish to, without the expectations that go along with it.
You might start having a greater appreciation for the smaller things – The pleasures of a simple friendship, helping a person in need, reading a delightful book, laughing with someone you care about.
Ordinary things but maybe they’re ordinary for a reason. Because they are what matter.
Conclusion
If you want a book to tell it to you straight, this is it. Many of the concepts Manson explores are known to us all in some form or the other. What this book does best in accomplishing is in the way it presents these universal truths in witty and ever relatable anecdotes that reminds us of the things that really matter. Pick up this book if you’re searching for a way to be happy, if you’re trying to find purpose once again or if you’re new to the self-help and don’t know where to start. But do pick it up. Life is too short to not do it anyway.
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